Walking Dead OC

Kate Watch

Gunslinger 

"Hey, I'm Kate but you can call me whatever you like as long as it ain't doll or baby. I'm 24 years old and I am originally from a tiny town you wouldn't have ever heard of. When all this started, I mean back when everyone thought it was a nasty case of the flu, I knew. I mean it was pretty friggin' obvious to anyone who knows anything about zombies right? To start with there were just a few reports here and there about people eating other people. They blamed it on mental health or drug abuse of course. Who wants to believe zombies are real right? Well I started to stock up on everything and to fortify my place. Neighbours thought I was mad. They'd never liked me living there and there'd even been a few half assed attempts to get the land lord to boot me out. That made it so much easier to ignore their screams for help as the dead over ran our suburb. Anyway, I stocked up on water, canned food, bullets and a few weapons like my trusty ***find out name of gun*** here as well as a selection of knives, machetes and a cross bow. Not that I know how to use a bloody cross bow but you never know when it might come in handy. I also bought a shit load of fuel. In every zombie related whatever I've ever seen, people get eaten trying to find fuel. I reckon I've got enough to fuel around 15 cars about 5 times each before I run out. Not bad eh? It took all my savings but who's laughing now? Me! I'm one of the only people still alive after all. I've got a few walkie talkies, a ton of batteries and torches and lots of matches. Even bought a fancy survivor kit with a swiss army knife, tent, sleeping bag, rope and shit like that. I know I can't stay in this house forever and sooner or later I'll need to head for the trees or something. Maybe I'll even try to join a small group. God knows there'll be people out there who could use someone like me. Since this thing started, I reckon I've killed about a hundred undead. Headshots mostly but a few close calls gave me a reason to try out my little knife here and it was straight through the eye and into the brain. Not bad considering before all this happened I was a librarian. Just goes to show it ain't about what you've done in the past, it's about what you're capable of doing in the future."

Kate peered out the window, her nose pressed firmly against the glass. Down the road from her house was a family under attack. Walkers were everywhere, surrounding the screaming neighbours as the dead tried to find a way to breach their pathetic defenses. "Idiots" muttered Kate as the wife let out another ear piercing scream. Everyone should know that they're attracted to sound she thought. Making no move to help them, Kate sighed as the first walker managed to put a small crack in the window at the front of the house. More screaming from the wife attracted the attention of another 4 walkers who ambled over to the house and began to throw themselves against the already cracked glass. Not long now. If only they'd listened to me. Kate had done a letter box drop weeks before, warning her neighbourhood of the impending doom. Everyone had thought her mad and laughed in her face as she prepared herself for what she called the zombie apocalypse. Kate knew they'd regret not listening to her but none of them were the sort of people to apologise for how they treated her. A bit of movement across the road caught her eye and with a gasp she recognised the person hiding behind the bird of paradise. It was Mickey, a skinny little geek who was a frequent visitor the the library where Kate worked and it looked like he was going to attempt a rescue. He was only 14 years old but Kate considered him to be almost a friend due to the talks they used to have during the more boring days at the library. Kate rocked back and forth indecisively. She had a set of rules that she stuck to no matter what to ensure her survival of the end of the world. Rule number 5 was simple. Never put yourself at risk to help someone else. It may seem harsh but in the new world, you couldn't afford to risk getting bitten or anything if you planned on living long. Everything was a risk. Going outside, doing a food run, or even just going to sleep at night. Kate had been sleeping during the day since night is when the walkers are the most active and so when her neighbour had started screaming her lungs out, Kate had woken up, gun drawn, knife halfway out the top of her boot, and once she had ascertained there was no immediate danger, had crept over to the window to have a look. And now here she was, seriously considering breaking her own rules to help out an idiotic friend who was probably going to get himself killed anyway. Kate growled and flailed, pacing angrily around the room before racing back to the window to see where Mikey was now. He was about 5 houses away from the neighbours under attack and from what she could see, all he had for protection was a baseball bat. Adrenaline surged through her body, making her hands and feet tingle and her heart race. What she saw next made her decision easy. Mikey had stopped. He was standing behind a fence, with his eyes closed and his chest rising and falling with exaggerated movements. He was having a panic attack and trying to calm himself the way Kate had taught him to on that rainy afternoon when he opened up to her. "Dammit Mikey!" Kate huffed as she hurried into the kitchen to grab her gear. She grabbed one of the larger knives from the kitchen and put her pistol in its holster around her waist. She put on her reinforced gloves and retied a loose shoe lace before grabbing one of her smaller machetes and threading that through her belt too. Mentally egging herself on, Kate ran upstairs to the guest bedroom and climbed out the open window. Hurry quietly she told herself as she carefully made her way off the roof and into the garden bed below. She ran swiftly around to the front of the house and scanned the area for any sign of movement. There! she thought as she saw a bush rustling just one house down from where she had last spotted Mikey trying to calm himself. As she raced across the front lawn, what she saw stopped her in her tracks. Mikey was actually 2 houses away from the group of walkers trying to break the window and eat the family inside. What she had thought was Mikey in the bushes was actually a huge walker, the biggest one she had seen for a very long time. It must have gotten tangled in the hose and fallen, that's why I didn't see it before. Kate let out a quiet cry as she realised there was no way she could reach him in time. She tried to telepathically warn Mikey to look behind him but he seemed so intent on the family's cries that he forgot to look at his surroundings. Suddenly she had an idea. Grabbing a rock from the garden, she hurled it at the sports car across the street. She missed. Letting out an exasperated cry, she grabbed another rock and tried again. This time she smashed the passenger window and was rewarded with the piercing sound of the car alarm going off. She grinned and whooped, confident that the alarm would block out almost any noise she would make now. She stared at Mikey, waiting for him to run home where she could then approach him. Instead, he seemed to decide that he could make it to the neighbours house while the walkers were distracted by the alarm. "No!" Kate cried but it was too late. As the walkers stumbled towards the noisy car, Mikey jumped the last few fences and was knocking on the front door of the house. Kate could only watch in horror as her friend became more and more desperate with his pleas to be let inside. Suddenly, the car alarm went silent, probably thanks to a flat battery and the sound of Mikey banging on the front door echoed down the street. The walkers all turned and as a group, made their way back toward the house. Mikey was trapped now. He had nowhere to go but into the house. He yelled this to the family and Kate could hear the fear in his voice as well as the muted replies of the man inside. "I'm sorry, we can't!" shouted the owner of the house from somwhere behind the door. "Please! You've got to let me in, they're right behin- arrgh!" Mikey's cry was cut off as a walker ripped out his throat. Kate fell to her knees in shock, unable to take in what had just happened. Why hadn't they let him in? He was trying to save them and they just let him die. Kate blinked away tears and forced herself to stand. There was nothing she could do for her young friend now. In a few hours, he would turn into one of the monsters that killed him and then he would be just another threat that Kate would have to deal with. She slowly crept back around the back of her house and made her way up the make shift ladder to the second story window. She climbed back in through the window and collapsed onto the bed. Grief overwhelmed her and she cried for her friend and everyone else she had lost to these monsters in the past few months. When her tears subsided, she slowly made her way downstairs to watch the family that had killed her friend. She hoped that the walkers would soon smash their way in and kill them all. Not before eating them alive first though, she added maliciously. Soon, afternoon turned to night and with no sound coming from the house, the walkers all went back to stumbling up and down the street, wandering aimlessly in search of innocent people to maim and kill. Too upset to bother with dinner, Kate just sat by the window and waited for the family to stuff up. She wouldn't rest until they had suffered the same fate they bestowed upon her friend. She settled into her old arm chair and watched, the rage taking over all other emotions. Suddenly Kate awoke. Not realising she had been so exhausted, she had passed out in her chair and had terrible nightmares about Mikey eating her alive, piece by piece whilst begging tearfully for her to save him. Enough is enough, she thought and decided to take matters into her own hands. Grabbing some rope and her usual gear, Kate once again made her way out the window and around the front of the house. Although night time was dangerous it was also in a sense, easier to sneak around. She darted across the road, managing to distract the closer walkers with a quickly thrown rock and ducked behind some flower bushes in a neighbours yard. She quickly scanned the area until she spotted what she was looking for. Mikey's reanimated corpse, torn throat and all, was stumbling around in the dark just a few hundred meters from her position. Choking back a sob, Kate steeled herself for the horrendous task in front of her and made her move. She raced from yard to yard until she reached the one closest to her old friend. Then, with a soft  "Mikey!" he was headed straight for her which is exactly what she wanted. As he reached her, Kate knocked his feet out from under him and quickly threw a lasso over his head, pulling it tight. she also stuffed a bundle of cloth in his mouth to stop him from biting her. She tied him to the fence post and proceeded to initiate stage two of her plan. Calling out softly until a nearby walker heard her, she quickly dispatched it with her machete and cut it open, letting the decomposing innards become decomposing outards. Then she draped the intestines and other lovely bits over her shoulders and arms, careful not to get any on her skin. This was her least favourite way of blending in but also the most effective. Finally she untied Mikey and away they went, stumbling toward the house where Mikey had died. Kate moaned and groaned like the walkers did but really, it was unnecessary. She just did it for fun because whenever she did this, the adrenaline rush was amazing and if she was honest, scarily addictive. As she reached the front of the house, she tied Mikey to the porch and made her way to the front door. The door was, unsurprisingly locked so she tiptoped around the back of the house to try the other door. That was surprisingly unlocked. "Idiots," she mumbled quietly as she pushed the door open and made her way inside. Creeping into the family room she saw them, the Richardsons, all tucked up in their sleeping bags and dead to the world. A smart family would have a lookout but the whole family was accounted for and Kate was able to banish any feelings of guilt that threatened her plan of vengeance. She told herself they wouldn't survive much longer being this disorganised anyway and it made what she was going to do next, that much easier. She ran out the door and around the house to where she'd left Mikey. Untying him, she dragged him around to the back door and shoved him inside. She quickly untied him and shoved him forward toward the sleeping family. Luckily they didn't have any childen or this whole thing would be a bust as another of Kate's rules was to always do what you can to look out for kids. Finally she shut the back door and shoved an old bit of timber against it, making it impossible to open from the inside. As she made her way back to the front of the house, the first scream made her jump. As the rest of the Richardsons awoke to find themselves under attack with no way out, the screaming kicked up a notch. Kate took no pleasure in it until she saw the man of the house banging on the window, calling out to her for help. It was then she allowed herself a sadistic smile as she shook her head and called through the window "I'm sorry, I can't." She would return the next evening to scavenge their supplies and put Mikey out of his misery. She left the Richardsons as they were, after all, they'd been monsters while they were alive, would it really make that much difference being undead?

Week One~

So I completed my weekly challenge quota after a 3 hour writing frenzy. It wouldn't have taken so long if I didn't keep getting distracted but it was 3 hours of solid laptop time so let's pretend it counts. I'm pleased with myself for finishing it since I was nervous at the start of the week. I may not have written about what I originally planned to but I think it turned out okay. What was meant to be a short, silly little piece turned into 2.6k words so I guess not everything goes as planned. I'm still iffy about that piece and in case anyone has read it and noticed the few errors, I see them. I just can't be bothered editing it.

Already I find myself planning for next weeks topics, even considering a few poems if I cab get my groove back. Here's hoping.

Thank you for reading. Comments would be nice (:

Mezzy

For Dizzy~

She couldn't sit still. For the past ten minutes, she'd been trying to refrain from leaping out of her car and tackling the sex god as he sat in the cafe drinking a latte. Peering out the corner of her eye, she noticed the window fogging up. Am I seriously panting over a man? she thought, not nearly as concerned as she should be by her embarrassing behaviour. She looked up into her rear view mirror and let out a little gasp. Frantically her hands worked to tuck away her stray wispy locks and she hastily reapplied some gloss. Guys don't like kissing gloss mumbled a voice in the back of her mind. She laughed bitterly at the voice. As if I have a shot of getting a kiss from someone like him. The voice rolled its eyes and settled back for what it knew was going to be an amusing afternoon.

Aimee fussed over her appearance some more before taking a few deep, slow breaths to try and calm herself. You dont wanna scare him off giggled the voice and she frowned at herself in the mirror.
"That glare was for you Mr Negative" she said crossly while the voice just stuck out its tongue. Well, at least in her mind it did these things. Sometimes the voice was supportive and comforting, other times he was just plain rude. Today he was being particularly unpleasant and so Aimee decided to ignore him as best she could. After it, it's not every day you find your dreamy celebrity crush in a cafe. Just as she prepared to open her car door and enter the cafe, she heard a loud girly squeal from somewhere behind her. Alarmed, she whipped around, her arms raised as if to defend herself against an attacker. She needn't have bothered with the arms, they wouldn't have been able to stop her anyway.
"AIMZ!" screamed a familiar looking brunette as she tackled Aimee with a massive bear hug. Aimee's eyes widened as she realised who it was who was hugging her.
"M-Mel? Did y-are yo-where did you- did you just real life glomp me?" she asked finally as Mel laughed and nodded happily. Well this is unexpected, came the voice inside Aimee's head. She willed it to be quiet for a moment while she took in the fact that her Aussie best friend had practically materialised out of thin air. She said as much to Mel who laughed again and answered
"I wish! Then I could visit all the time! It was less materialisation, more very, VERY long plane trip. Totally worth it to see the look on your face though Dizzy."
Aimee and Mel babbled on for ages before Aimee suddenly remembered what she'd been doing prior to Mel's surprise attack hug.
"Oh Mel, you won't believe who's in that cafe over there," she gushed as Mel peered around her and into the cafe window. Then she laughed again. She sure does that a lot, complained the voice but Aimee shushed him. It was nice to see Mel so happy when she was usually so miserable. Winning that trip to the US would put anyone in a good mood it grumbled back but it's heart wasn't in it. Mel grinned at her friend and said, in a terrible impersonation of an American accent-
"Carlisle right? That's why I'm here! I was stalking a celebrity locator page and someone saw him a while ago, uploaded it and I've been searching this place looking for him ever since. Then when I saw you I thought, well it must be my super lucky day because, oh my god it's really her!" Mel's enthusiasm was catching because soon Aimee's nervousness was gone and she couldn't wait to go meet Peter Facinelli in the flesh with her crazy friend. As the approached the door to the cafe, Mel flung out an arm and blocked Aimee's path.
"Aimz, I have an idea. Let me go and talk to him for a second and you wait here. Look stressed okay?" and before Aimee could even open her mouth to ask what the heck she was doing, Mel had skipped into the cafe with a quick backwards glance and a wink. Is she...screwing you over? asked the voice. I really don't know what she's doing, she replied, a little hurt that Mel would try to take this moment away from her.

Peering through the window, Aimee watched as Mel seemingly paced around the cafe, looking panicked before walking over to Peter and leaning over the table to talk to him. Narrowing her eyes, she watched as Mel chatted up a storm with HER favourite actor and she felt incredibly jealous and hurt. Suddenly Mel and, oh my gosh, Peter Facinelli!!, both looked at her and Mel gave a little wave. What's going on? Aimee wondered, her jealousy ebbing away as she realised that Peter had just MADE EYE CONTACT WITH HER. She was so excited in fact that she began to hyperventilate and had to go sit on the curb to try and calm down. Pay attention for goodness sake! screamed the voice but Aimee could barely hear it. She was still fan girling and trying to breath. A gentle tap on her shoulder and a friendly "hi there" brought her back to the here and now and she had to stifle a gasp as she looked up into the green grey eyes of Peter himself. She waved and then giggled. The voice face palmed. Mel took away the awkwardness in an instant by confusing the heck out of Aimee with a quick explanation.
"Oh Aimee, you won't believe it but I found someone who can help you get home! I told him all about how I gave you a lift here but now I have to rush home for an appointment I forgot about and you need a ride home sooo..." she trailed off with a sneaky grin in Aimee's direction.
"So," Peter chimed in, "your delightful friend here asked if I would be able to help you out. Apparently you live on the other side of town and I have to head out that way so, what do you say?" He's such a gentlemen, gushed the voice making Aimee smile inwardly. I can't believe it. Peter Facinelli wants to drive me home! Trying to keep her composure, Aimee smiled brightly and fluttered her long lashes at the sexy vampire doctor.
"Oh thank you so much! That would be lovely. You're sure you don't mind?" she asked, hoping desperately that he wouldn't change his mind.
"Sure, it's fine really. I'm told you make excellent company so at least I don't have to worry about awkward silences while we're driving" he laughed and his eyes crinkled attractively at the corners. Aimee swooned.
"I just need to get Aimee's stuff out of he- my car. Come help me Aimz while- Peter was it? While Peter gets his car." Mel grabbed Aimee by the hand and dragged her off around the corner.
"Okay Aimz, listen up cos this is important and I need to say it quick. First, he's dropping you off just before the outskirts of town so I will need your car keys so I can come and pick you up afterwards. Secondly, oh my god he is soooo marvy! I can't believe how nice he is and how hot he is in person! Oh right, he thinks we dont know who he is so try not to mention anything movie related okay?" Mel shook Aimee by her shoulders until Aimee nodded her understanding.
"Have fun bebs, you deserve it. I won't tell David" she giggled and with that, she whirled around the corner and over to where Peter was waiting in his rental car. Mel rushed over to him a final time.
"Thanks so much for doing this. You're a life saver. Could I bother you for one more thing though? Have a photo with me so I can remember our knight in shining armor?" Aimee took a photo of Mel leaning her face close to his through the window of the car, and then another of her kissing him on the cheek.
"Thanks again, have a good drive! Oh and I swear I know you from somewhere" she called as she turned to walk towards Aimee's car. Peter's answering grin made her heart giddy and she knew that Aimee was going to have the best 40 minute drive any girl had ever had ever.

So, say something to him, whispered the voice as Aimee and Peter sat in the car in silence. Aimee played with the hem of her shirt and occasionally glanced at Peter out the corner of her eye. It was he who broke the silence as she asked her if she had live here long. They chatted politely about where they each grew up and then the talk turned to places they'd like to travel to.
"Australia for me. I want to see where Mel lives and cuddle koalas and kangaroos" said Aimee, smiling at the thought of seeing her friends hometown. Peter smiled too.
"Australia is beautiful from what I've seen of it. I wasn't there long so I didn't get to hold any wildlife though. I'd love to see Egypt eventually." That's your cue, the voice encouraged, finally being friendly again. Aimee proceeded to tell him all about her trip to Egypt and the incredible experiences she had there. He's really quite wonderful, thought Aimee to herself as they grew closer to her faux destination. She didn't want the trip to end and was a little disappointed that asking for his autograph would give away the ruse. Still, it was still the best day of her life, apart from the day she married her beautiful husband of course. A pang of guilt shot through her as she thought back to earlier than afternoon when she had been applying her kissing gloss.
"Mel mentioned you're a bit of a movie buff" Peter said as Aimee noticed that they were about 5 minutes from where she was getting dropped off and her heart sank.
"Oh yes, I love movies. Movies and books," she babbled, anxious she would give it all away. Peter smiled a heart warming smile and touched her arm gently.
"Me too. I just can't imagine my life without books or film. Can I tell you a secret if you promise not to tell anyone?" he asked, his eyes soft and inquiring. Aimee melted.
"Of course," she whispered, leaning toward him in her excitement.
"I'm a closet-" GAY?! bellowed the voice in her head, wailing in despair at the idea of another perfect man liking other perfect men. Aimee cringed at the outburst but tried to keep her face politely interested.
"-Twihard" he finished, his voice little more than a whisper. Aimee let out a gasp of surprise but there was something about his eyes though and the way his lips were twitching at the corners that made Aimee suspicious. The voice in her head narrowed its eyes suspiciously at the handsome actor before sighing. Well I'm confused it said. Me too, she answered.
"You know I know you, do you?" Aimee accused, narrowing her eyes at him. Looking surprised for a moment Peter then burst out into hearty laughter and the car wobbled all over the road.
"Of course I know! Not that you didn't do a wonderful job of pretending not to know me but-" he broke off, laughing too hard to finish what he'd been saying. Aimee started to laugh too, the voice shaking its head in derision. Ah I'm going to strangle Mel when she gets here she thought.
The last few minutes of the trip were a blast. Aimee complimented him on his fine acting skills, both in his films and today. He laughed boyishly and told her all about her friends plan to trick her into not fan girling and ending up embarrassed.
"It worked too, didn't it?" he asked, smirking as he pulled into the parking lane. Aimee nodded sheepishly and looked around eagerly for her car and her friend, eager to give her a good shake.
"Well here we are. I suppose you don't really live anywhere near here do you?" he asked. Aimee giggled.
"Nope. I'm completely in the other direction, not far from where you picked me up actually."
"Your friend is a sneaky one," he laughed and he got out the car, walking around to open the door for Aimee. Her heart fluttered and she felt a blush creeping onto her already rosy cheeks. Across the street, Mel was waving fiercely, a bag clutched tightly in her hand. She rushed over to them and grinned.
"Did you have a nice drive?" she smirked and the pair looked at each other with shy smiles.
"It was lovely, thank you," answered Peter.
"Excellent. Now here's the stuff I said I was going to get-" Mel dug around in the bag producing first a blue Sharpie, then a copy of Twilight and finally, a little poloroid camera.
"Surprise Aimz!" she handed Peter the book and pen and he proceeded to write a rather long message in the back of the book.
"You can read that later," he smiled at Aimee and then glanced down at the camera in Mel's hand.
"What's with the-?" he started to ask but Mel cut him off.
"Oh it's so we can all have a photo of the three of us like, straight away to take home and remember this momentous day forever. I thought you could maybe sign mine since I only bought one book and Aimee and I could sign yours if you like." Mel grinned at them both and then snapped a photo of their amused expressions. She fanned herself with the photo as the pictured slowly manifested. She grinned.
"It's adorable. I'll keep it forever." Aimee and Peter laughed.
"Alright Mezzy, you psycho, let's get these photos taken so we can let poor Mr Facinelli get back to being a busy celebrity," Aimee exclaimed, giving Mel a playful shove.
They grabbed a passerby who looked at Peter with an amazed expression but obliged in taking several photos of the group, some serious, others borderline ridiculous. Once they all had their photos, Aimee and Mel left special silly notes on the back of Peter's photos and then each kissed it with their lippy on, leaving perfect little kiss marks. Peter blushed and mumbled a thanks as they both hugged him good bye.
"It's been amazing getting to talk to you. You're lovely," said Aimee as the voice nodded in fervent agreement.
"Absolutely delightful and marvy" added Mel, winking at him playfully and nudging her friend.
As Peter bid the girls good bye, giving Aimee an especially long hug, Mel grabbed Aimee and whispered something conspirital in her ear. Exchanging maniacal grins they pounded on Peter, pinning his arms as they each licked one side of his face. It was completely spontaneous and both girls were delirious with joy. Peter shook his head, wiped his face and grinned.
"I certainly won't forget you lovely ladies in a hurry. Bye! Thanks for making my trip memorable." And with that, he got in his car, blew them a cheeky kiss and drove away, waving once out the window as he drove out of sight.

The girls looked at each other, looked at the photos and the signed book and let out gleeful giggles and squeals.
"Best day ever?" asked Mel.
"The bestest" answered Aimee and with that, they hopped into Aimee's car and began the long trip back to Aimee's place where they would spend the next few days giggling non stop and planning other celebrity stalks as they got to know each other properly, like they had always wanted to.

The End....for now~!

Part 1

The air raid sirens are alarming and the only thing louder is his heart pounding in his ears. He is covered with sweat, mud, and the only thing that keeps him going is the man who was weighing him down. Dragging his fellow solider through the muddy earth towards safety. Not that he knew where safety was at that exact moment. He didn't really know anything except his own name, Lt. John Stewart Allen. And the name of the man he was stumbling along to safety, a boy by the name of Greene. 

The ground behind him shook as grenades blew up behind him. Bullets rang out and Lt. Allen. He ducked behind a broken building. He had to stay focus and find a safe place to hide. As bullets rang out around him, he remembered, Stephen Greene, Topeka, Kansas. The red headed boy had never even seen a skyscraper until he was in his army fatigues. And now Private Greene was no more than a limp redhead, freckles mingled with gun powder and mud. 

Allen thought about leaving him. Just once. A quick feeling, or maybe an actual audible voice screaming at him to run, told him to drop this kid and leave him and go. But Allen wasn't a coward and he wasn't going to leave a kid who probably had never even had one good fuck (or any) in his short life. Instead, Allen shouldered Greene and half ran, half dodged and carried him to this war torn city. 

---- 

He awoke with a start. The room was a lavender-gray with florescent lights flickering in upturned light fixtures on the sides of the walls. Mr. Allen's glaucoma riddled eyes trailed down from the ceiling to the pale textured walls, the mauve trim and down to the handicap bards that hugged every wall.

As if residents at Pleasant Grove Retirement Center, needed the wide plastic handles to remind themselves to hold on and that they might need some help. Mr. Allen blinked. Glaucoma was a bitch, one that he never thought he was going to have to deal with. He had just finished healing from his cataract surgery when the darkening began. It was like being bum fucked by life, yet again. 

Getting old was a fucking cunt sucker motherfucker. Mr. Allen's mouth twitched. How he wanted to say those words, hear them pour from his mouth: through the throat, over the tongue, slide over the gums and past the lips. He was really afraid if he started talking that way he wouldn't be able to stop. And he couldn't afford to be kicked out this place. He couldn't bear to call it a home. A man's home ought to be somewhere where a man can call the shots, not have a sponge bath twice a day.

Mr. Allen closed his eyes, hoping sleep would find him again. He hoped he'd dream of that year he was 22, but not seeing battle. Of meeting her. Mrs. Allen. Mrs. Allen for 56 years. They say if you lose a limb, you continue to try and scratch it. As if you can still feel the itch. Oh how Mr. Allen had an itch for the missus. He woke on his left hand side thinking he was lying next to her, the way she liked, so they could face each other, but instead, all he faced was the plain wooden door in an empty nursing home room. Sometimes during the night, right before he woke up, he was sure she was there. Tangible. Her dark blue eyes like the ocean, her Chanel number 5. 

That was worse than waking up to an empty bed in an empty room.Being able to almost touch her and then waking up to lose her. He would never cry. Never. He wanted to believe that the tears he withheld would count for something, some token, to get through those awaited pearly gates. it scared him that he might not receive admittance. He had done his share of sinning, and if the bible held any indication of what judgment might be like, he'd just as soon stay in this lavender and mauve hellhole. Better to be sponge bathed by a nurse's assistant, staring through a golden gate at mansion above that did not have him as the lease holder. No. Here would be just fine, thank you very much.


-Too tired to continue. More laters, -Dizzy

Present for Mezzy

To Mezzy, because you ish my bestie AN' you needs medzies. luffs always, your Dizzy


p.s. hope this works

Dizzy: seriously? Hermonie, go be petrified somewhere else -grumbles-

Miracles

I read something once that said, "Miracles cease to be, because of the disbelief in them". In fact, when you open your eyes and really look for miracles, they are everywhere.

You might think I am being naive, or that I am just weird, but I promise. I guarantee MIRACLES happen. Every.SINGLE.day.

I am typing on a miracle right now. 

My computer hasn't worked in over a year, and I desperately set it up last week in an attempt to -coughillegallycoughcough- send my friend a copy of a Kindle book, and the computer wouldn't stay on longer than three minutes. I have been having to use my iPhone (teeny tiny toilet, I mean, screen), or my iPad (complete with blue tooth keyboard)... but I have to admit, aside from an old typewriter (don't you love that, chunk, noise when you hit the space bar?), a laptop, or a computer is the next best thing. AND I didn't have one. 

So, okay, here's the miracle part. Those dark times in your life when you think everything is God awful and sucks beyond all reasoning and you curse the day and all the birds that sing in the trees and you want to kick something.... Those are the dark times before you are about to see a miracle. I got to work this morning and thought, I have 9 hours to upgrade my iPhone is the "new" (I waited a long time didn't I?) iOs. I backed up my phone and set it up to upgrade and walked away... When I went back to check it there was a "HOOK UP TO iTUNES" on the screen. That's right, no PHONE all day. ALL day. It doesn't sound like such a big deal, but it was to me. Especially since (if you recall) I didn't have a laptop to hook it up to iTunes. 

When I finally got home I turned on my laptop only to be informed that I didn't have the newest version of iTunes. I had to wait even longer. I was tense that at any moment the laptop would go to the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH and I would lose my download. 

But it didn't.

It kept zipping along. And it has been working for over an hour now. Do you know what that means? 

It was a ..... MIRACLE!!!!!!!!!

Not only was I able to get my phone all fixed again, I am able to be on here, typing this post and able to WRITE my 3K words for the week! YAY FOR MIRACLES! 


-Dizzy

9 Years~

So as it is for most kids, the transition from primary school to high school was a tough one for me. I had a pretty normal life. My parents split up when I was 7 and my little brother and I moved away with our mum. We moved house every 2 years and then when I was 10 years old, my mum had another child, a girl, to my friends dad. They didn't stay together very long. My brother is autistic. He has Aspergers Sydrome and so for a few years, life was hell. He would have temper tantrums that would last for up to 6 hours and would become incredibly violent. My mum, baby sister and I would all be in tears as he stalked up and down the hallway in the middle of the night, kicking doors and walls and screaming. He even tried to stab me once. My retaliation that night not only saved my life but was one of the only times mum didn't tell me off for hitting him. It wasn't all bad though. At least, I assume it wasn't, even though I can't remember any good times during those years. I have a nasty habit of only remembering the negative things, although during my "bad years" I lost months and months of memories, mostly bad. I've gotten off topic. Well, I've started telling things out of order anyway. I hadn't planned on writing about my early past but I guess in order to explain what happened to me in my first year of high school, a bit of back story is necessary. So here I go again, talking about my high school experience. My mum enrolled me in a school in the city, miles from home and from my friends. It was the school she had gone to where she had been prefect, sports captain and basically super popular. It was a catholic all girls school, run by a nun and I was terrified. I had already been the new kid once after my parents divorce so I had no desire to do it all again. Still, life goes on whether we like it or not and I needed an education so I just had to put up with it. It didn't help things when mum enrolled me last minute so I missed nearly all the orientation days and the "getting to know each other" activities. Not knowing what people would be like or what to expect, I rocked up to the last orientation day with full makeup and nothing but a phone in my pocket. Everyone else was basically makeup free and carrying pencil cases and folders. When a form was passed around to be filled in, I had no pen and was too shy to ask anyone to lend me one while the teacher was talking. A girl just in front of me, Ella, noticed my delay at passing the form to her and slipped me a pen. It was that tiny act of kindness that made me think I might be okay at my new school. Oh, if only I knew.

In week 1, there was a camp for all the year 8 girls so they could get to know each other and have some fun. I barely remember it apart from bonding with one particular girl who thought I was hilarious and bitching about another girl who didn't want to join in with any activities. It was on that camp that I realised that no one knew me so I could be anyone I wanted to be. I was no longer the weird, nerdy, teachers pet. I could reinvent myself and I decided to go a little crazy. It was exciting and fun and I loved it. There were a lot of laughs and I can honestly say I was sad when it was time to go back to school. I remember a few history lessons with a teacher I didn't like very much and a few maths lessons with a teacher we all made fun of and then my mind is pretty blank. You see it was then that I developed severe depression and stopped doing much of anything, let alone going to school. Oh sure, I had days or weeks where I was able to go but by then I was so behind that it just stressed me more and each time I left school it was for longer and longer. Rumors spread, teachers lost patience and my family were unbearably harsh. I know now that they didn't understand what was happening to me anymore than I did but it still hurts to think about how cruel they were to me. I remember a lot of yelling, crying, threats and bribes. I also remember none of it working. A girl from school used to call me all the time and when my mum could drag me to the phone to talk, she too threatened me with her own self harm should I not come back to school. It was stress I didn't need but to be honest, I don't remember caring that much or taking her too seriously. Some days wouldn't be so bad. I might stop crying long enough to get out of bed and take a shower, maybe eat some toast and playing with my siblings. I think that was why no one believed there was anything wrong with me. To them, I just seemed lazy and naughty because how could I be wishing I was dead one minute, playing happily the next? Depression is funny that way. Not all days are terrible so people find it hard to accept that you really have any sort of problem beyond not wanting to do the things you're supposed to. So I don't remember my first year of high school much at all but I must have done some work because I was passed up to the next grade, albeit mostly on potential.

The next few years are kind of blurry too. A new teacher started at the school and took a special interest in helping me and I honestly think he saved my life with his kindness. Because of all the rumors going around thanks to my absences, finding people to talk to was a challenge, especially when my "friend" turned everyone against me with some unkind lies. I had months of being utterly alone at school because she didn't like something my mum had said to her dad. Eventually I worked up the courage to confront everyone with my side of the story and things went back to semi normalcy. I still missed days and weeks at a time but things were much better for me and I started to have more good days than bad. It was around this time that I, unbeknownst to me, developed an anxiety disorder on top of my depression. I would get headaches, tingling, nausea and a whole range of other fun symptoms and so I thought I was dying. I had no idea of the array of symptoms anxiety attacks can bring on and so finally, I asked to be taken to the doctors for a full medical. It was a scary time because I was so utterly convinced that I had a brain tumor and was going to die because, why else would I be having headaches all the time? Driving home from my MRI, I burst into uncontrollable sobs as I realised what my negative scan results meant for me. My problems were all mental and there was no quick fix for me. Even as I write that now, I find myself tearing up at the memory of that moment. I was crying my heart out because I was honestly disappointed that I didn't have a brain tumor. It was one of the most powerful things I have ever experienced. I had never felt such despair until that moment and I could not see a way out, no matter how I looked at it. I should probably add that I saw my first shrink in year 8 but I don't remember much about it other than the fact that she was nice and her name was Mari.

Something that doesn't help my condition any is the fact that I can not swallow meds of any kind. If I have a bad headache, I have it for days because taking a pain killer is impossible for me. I can thank a traumatic hospital experience as a child for my medical mind fuck which has left me unable to treat even the simplest ailments. I have tried everything to get pills down but all I can manage, and it's only in the last year or so that this is even possible, is wafer or soluble meds. You'd be surprised how few medications there are here in any form other than capsule or pills. Tonight I took a quarter and a bit of a Panodol. I nearly threw up several times in my attempt but I am actually really proud that I even achieved that. I don't think my boyfriend and dad were impressed though, as they both demonstrated how easy it is for them to swallow tablets, cashew nuts and water. I just love it when people hear I can't do something so they do it repeatedly to show me how useless I am. I need to stop writing now I think. It is after midnight and I've had a rather dreadful day thanks to my panic attacks and headaches.

If you're still reading this, well done. It can't be easy reading the ramblings of someone like me who does nothing but talk about their problems. If you or someone you know suffers from anxiety or depression then I'd love to hear your stories of how you deal with/dealt with it. I plan on writing more tomorrow, continuing on from where I left off tonight but we'll see what happens. Maybe I'll have a better day tomorrow and my writing will be full of happy things.

 Ciao for now dear reader.

Day 3

So it's Sunday where I live and I am still yet to write anything for this week. It's partly due to feeling under the weather, partly due to procrastinating. Tonight, before I go to bed, I am going to write a short scene based on my real life experience and a story I want to write someday. I don't have a word minimum in mind but I'll aim for over 500, just to get the ball rolling. I post this here as a promise to myself, Dizzy and any readers that I will start tonight. If I don't, you all have permission to harass me until I produce something.

Now, back to dinner and watching Teen Wolf!

Oooh, Derek. Oooh, Stiles. <3 ;)

Writing 101

I feel up to this challenge. Or do I? 

I have been participating in Nanowrimo for years, and I feel I have nothing to show for it. That having been said, I AM up for this challenge! I can do this! Mezzy can do this, and YOU, reader, whoever you are, you can do this. We all have stories within us, waiting to be written and shared!

As long as Mezzy doesn't mind, and I am sure she would like to contribute, too, I would like to post WRITING PROMPTS/INSPIRATION!

Here are some words from the one of my favorite authors, Ernest Hemingway: 

I know I shouldn't giggle, but from what I know about Hemingway,
 I just feel like he's serious in-your-face honesty is unnerving.

There you are, aspiring writers everywhere. That's all I/you have to do.

-Dizzy 

Challenge Details~

This is the page where the lovely Dizzy and Mezzy will be posting the writing from their writing challenge. The rules are simple. Starting Friday the 4th of January 2013, both girls will be required to write a minimum of 3,000 words a week and post it here so they can read each others work. If 3,000 is found to be too easy, the minimum will be increased. All writing forms are accepted. Poetry, journal entries, short stories, book  chapters, dream sequences and anything else that has been written by the challengers. 

Check back here next Friday to see what they come up with.

~